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You’ve been there before — that ‘house guest from
hell’ moment - when friends pop into town for an overnight catch-up and still have
their feet firmly under your table five days later. And they’re not showing obvious
signs of moving on. Perhaps it is something to do with finding the key to the wine
cellar and the super comfy guest room you prepared for them?
Equally, you’ve breezed into the country to catch-up with your sister thinking she
really meant it when saying ‘stay as long as you like’. Puzzling enough two days
later she has stripped your bed, packed her Land Cruiser up and headed for the hills,
locking you out of the house.
Communication breakdown? Friendship meltdown? What on earth went wrong? And why?!!
Enough of this I say! It does not have to be this way for there are people out there
who know how avoid stale stay-overs. These people understand house guest etiquette
and live by its ethics. These are the people who belong to that hallowed group —
they’re the FHGs (fabulous house guests).
FHGs are renowned for their approach, are talked about
in awe and word quickly gets around their guestability status. Simply put, they are
a popular choice set - people actually invite them to stay just to see what it is
they do (or rather don’t do) to earn these stripes.
Fascinated about this in a ‘Madam Manners of the New Century’ sort of way, I sat
down with some FHGs to gather insights into what makes them shine.
Follow these guidelines and you too will become a much revered and respected FHG.
Equally, if you’re the one who continually finds herself playing the role of the
‘hostess with the mostest’, the following sets out an acceptable standard of behaviour
and attitude that you should expect from your guests. Any less and they need to read
this and take note…
- As a potential guest you need to start out by asking
if you can stay rather than telling them you are coming. Simple but effective, it
sets the scene for an enjoyable time to be had by all parties.
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- Establish when you are likely to arrive and depart
— so that your hosts can organise meals and activities for your visit. For instance,
are you likely to be in residence for lunch on Sunday? Stick to these times or at
least ring to say if you are going to be late.
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- Find out if there are adventure/activity plans afoot
while you are visiting so that you pack the appropriate attire and accessories (walking
shoes, dancing slippers, fleecie, party frock etc.
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- Bring a special present, to be exchanged upon arrival
to set a convivial scene for the visit. Anything goes here - a bag of limes or avocados,
a jar of some special chutney, bottles of wine or a box of Belgian chocolates. Any
of these are a fantastic choice — the entire lot is probably overkill and may set
off ‘potential over-stay’ anxiety in your hosts (not desirable at the outset of the
visit).
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- Also, remember to ask if there is something you can
pick up on your trip out to your hosts (particularly appreciated by country hosts
living in areas off the beaten track).
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- If you are bringing your children to stay-over, make
sure you pack their special foods (heaven forbid if they're in their baked beans
and raspberry fizzy’ phase) as well as loads of toys and books to keep them occupied.
It is the polite thing to do.
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- Food is a potential bone of contention, excusing
the pun. If you have any special food fetishes — such as a deep dislike to even the
idea of pan-fried lentils and tofu delight - then fess-up early to avoid an awkward
moment. Equally, if meat is a problem and you're visiting your high country farming
friends, then discuss menu options early in the arrangement.
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- If you've planning to arrive with a special gourmet
treat - a smoked trout or fillet of beef for instance, give a hint of the treat in-store.
There's nothing worse for hosts than organising a weekend of meals, only to juggle
things around to accommodate the special surprise. Pickled pig does not go with everything
after all.
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- It goes without saying that food allergies need to
be openly discussed from the outset — (fish, nuts, eggs etc). Nothing is more disconcerting
than serving up a special soufflé, only to have your guest in convulsions,
desperately dialing 111 from the bathroom.
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- If visiting in the city, offer to take your hosts
out for a meal — it simply makes sense and obliterates any of the above potential
food hazards.
- Offer to help prepare food, but if this activity
is well in hand, there are always those jobs of clearing up, putting out the trash
or walking the dog.
- You don't want your host second-guessing how to entertain
you — take the initiative and entertain yourself. Come armed with a book or magazine,
ready for quiet moments when your hosts are busy. Better still, bring a pile of magazines
and share them around — a perfect way to while away the afternoon after Sunday lunch
with your hosts.
- Don't attempt to discipline hosts children or dogs
— it is not the done thing at all and not worth your life or limb. Simply grin and
bear it.
- On departing, strip your bed and set out to find
the laundry to deposit the linen in. Ask hosts for clean sheets and remake the bed.
Even better, go that extra step and tidy your room — so simple but so appreciated.
If your hosts wanted to manage a hotel, they'd have a neon ‘vacancy/Sky TV’ sign
pulsating above their letterbox.
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- If you have danced on the table, smashed the antique
Italian platter, set the couch on fire with a wandering cigarette in the small hours
or single-handedly caused a marital breakup during (or, worse still, as a result
of) your visit, then do send flowers and a written apology. In the very least. You
may need to beg forgiveness.
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- Alternatively, if all went swimmingly well and smiles
abounded as you drove off tooting into the sunset, then sit back and relax — you
may well be about to walk tall as a FHG. Wait and see if the word gets out!
A word for all hosts — avoid martyrdom. If a visit
is simply inconvenient or you know it'll send you over the edge, then make your excuses
NOW and point your guests in an alternative direction. Nothing is worse for people
to stay over with hosts when it is clearly not a good moment. Worse still do not
endure a dreadful stay-over and then dine out on the experience for months past the
event, without coming clean with your guests. That is not good manners at all.
And one last point: it IS true what they say: friends who stay are like fish. No
matter how special or treasured — they both go off in three days. Limit your stay
and enjoy the moment.
Let us know about your house guest tips.
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The Perfect
House Guests